I have written my goodly share of 2log posts over the years, but three in particular stand out:
"Cold Snap," the urtext of all 2log posts, whose influence is still being felt to this day.
"My 28 cents," only my second post, wherein I established the basics of my style, and for the first time allowed YOU, the readers, to DECIDE for yourself !!!!!!!!!!
"Why I Hate Bunnies," the single least popular post in 2logging history, which as of the time of this writing has attracted 110 negative comments from the burgeoning cuniculophile community.
Besides my trademark insights and the benefits of good breeding, what do all of these posts have in common? Let's examine the blog_id=[x] numbering system in each URL: "Cold Snap" is post number 1, or as scientists generally refer to it, 28 to the zeroth power. "My 28 cents" is post number 28, or 28 to the first power. "Why I Hate Bunnies" is post 280, or 28 times 10.
To summarize, all three posts have a strong connection with the mystical number 28. As you are no doubt aware, 28 is the largest number, as was first reported in an academic journal in 2003. If you look at the address of this post, you will see that, by the commutative property of maths, it is bound to be significant as well.
In celebration of this momentous event, I have asked Alistair Crewpepper to prepare a list of 28 Not Fun But True! facts about the number 28:
As you may have heard, yesterday Rep. Joe Sestak defeated the incumbent Arlen Specter in the Democratic primary for U.S. Senate. Something bothered me about Sestak. No, it wasn't the fact that he's not very likable. It wasn't the fact that, at age 58, he has a young daughter who perhaps he should be helping to raise rather than legislating. It didn't have anything to do with his political views. What bothered me was the question, where have I seen this guy before?
Then it dawned on me: Joe Sestak = Moe Szyslak.
They have the same furrowed brow, the same misanthropic glare, the same accusations of creating a "poor command climate" at their place of business. Not to mention, their names basically rhyme.
Then I realized, maybe this is a good thing. Sure, many politicians have passed the bar exam, but how many have passed the bar tenders exam? From his secret life as a bar tender, Sestak must be used to listening to ordinary people's troubles. And maybe he can use his mixological expertise to craft the proper formula to cure what ails America.
Will Moejoe Szystak go down in history as the greatest alcohol-provider-cum-legislator in American history?
A surge of immigrants is threatening traditional American values. These vagrant drifters continue to follow the traditions of their homeland and refuse to adapt to our way of life. They are taking good jobs away from hardworking native sons and daughters. I speak, of course, of invading opinion-makers from the north.
Though they may try to hide their Canadian roots (or as they no doubt pronounce it, "ruhts"), David Brooks, Charles Krauthammer, and David Frum all crossed the longest unguarded border in the world to make a new life for themselves and their families away from the chilly, unfailingly polite, well-covered-by-national-health-care land they once called home.
David Brooks (deemed the fifth most influential pundit in the Atlantic 50) was born in Toronto. Despite that strike against him, he has tricked many Joe and Jane Q. Public of Main Street, USA, into thinking that he knows what he's talking "aboot." I say to him, this is America, speak American!
Charles Krauthammer (just below Mr. Brooks at #6 in the Atlantic 50) grew up in Montreal and went to McGill University there. No doubt it was there he learned to hate our freedoms. Newsflash, Krauthammer. President Obama is our head of state, not Queen Elizabeth II. We beat you guys in the War of 1812, and we'll do it again!
Finally, David Frum (a noted editorialist who has thankfully not yet infiltrated the Atlantic 50) was both born and raised in Canada. When he recently lost his position at the conservative American Enterprise Institute, it was reportedly due to his criticism of the Republican strategy opposing health care reform. More likely, though, the Institute discovered that Frum worked in the George W. Bush administration while still a foreign national. He allegedly became a US citizen in 2007, but he still prefers Canadian sports like hockey and basketball to red-blooded American baseball. Pseudo-Yankee, go home!
Why have we let these right-leaning pundits overrun our journalistic landscape? Is it a coincidence that Canada, Cancer, and Canker sore all begin with the same letters? I want my America back!
I'll give the last word to an expert on Canadian affairs:
Over the past few months, I have noticed some bizarre ads appearing on websites including Yahoo! mail, facebook, and eBay. For instance:
I suppose it's possible that the fellow on the left might want to pursue further education, but to be frank I worry that the gentleman on the right might "drop out," so to speak, before completing his degree.
Then there was this one:
Perhaps the intended message here is: Traffic violations impeding your ability to pay for school? Get a loan! Please note, however that with the possible exception of West Virginia, most states no longer accept speeding tickets as a valid form of identification.
Finally, there are these two gems:
As far as I can tell, the only possible explanation for these is that some ad agency, knowing that sex sells, decided to buy some "sexy" clip art to help promote their mortgage products. Unfortunately, they clicked on the wrong button and got "sex offender" instead.
Am I the only one seeing these? I don't know which is more disturbing: the fact that these ads exist at all, or the possibility that they may be specifically targeted to me.
Tired of listening to the same old interview programs where the interviewer and interviewee fall over each other spouting platitudes?
Roger Ebert lists a sampling of responses from old movie stars that showed a wee bit more frankness and a wee bit less Frank Ness.
For example:
Q. Lee Marvin, how are things between you and Michelle Triola, your girl friend?
A. She's been eating nothing but anchovies for the past day and a half. You know why she likes anchovies so much all of a sudden? She's knocked up. She's gonna have a little Lee Marvin. Put it down: Michelle's knocked up. If you make it good enough, they'll never print it. It used to be, we'd check into a hotel, it was Mr. Marvin and Miss Triola. So she changed her name to Marvin, to save all that embarrassment. Now it's Mr. Marvin and Miss Marvin.
